I am thinking of you as our lives continue to shift and change dramatically from day-to-day. What seemed surreal last week is now for real. I understand how difficult that can be, settling into a new reality is hard. I try to reassure myself by remembering that I am not alone in this tectonic shift. We are definitely in this together.
I, like many people, am not a stranger to life-altering change. In April 2013, my husband was driving to work and had a seizure. Within 24 hours, he had a golf-ball sized tumor removed from his head. Within 2 weeks, he was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer. We had 2 children, ages 6 and 10. Our entire lives changed overnight. Everything as “it was” became different. The change was stressful and affected every area of our lives, logistical, financial, physical, and relational as every relationship we had prior to the diagnosis became forever changed.
Life does change in an instant. The reality of that is stressful. Life altering challenges can make us question everything. We might question our ability to cope, our faith, our trust in the world. However, if we are able to settle the mind and body, we might be able to break things down into smaller bits and focus one choice at a time. When John was diagnosed in 2013, I was so grateful that I had the tool of EFT. Tapping saved me and helped me weather the storm of terminal illness. It helped me release stress so I could navigate parenting and caregiving in a compassionate way. It helped me by relieving the physical stress from my body so that I could make appropriate choices...in the moment I needed to make them. With the gift of EFT Tapping, I could align myself with my highest choice making. I could be proud of who I was and what I was choosing in an unchartered time.
I pray. I pray because this and Tapping is what helps me. And since this is what I feel comfortable offering, the tool of Tapping is my prayer and offering to you. That is what I can offer to the world in our time of collective change.
Today’s Tap is on “Everything is different and all the changes make me feel stressed”.
As you move through the tap, “stressed” might be “overwhelmed” or “scared”. It is okay to change the language at any time to suit what you are feeling, now.
Please know I am here for you. I am offering discounted phone and zoom sessions to be of service. Sliding scale available.
With love and comfort,
I am so sorry that there is so much stress at this time. It is very difficult for all of us. It is hard to figure out what we need to pay attention to, stay away from, or understand.
I am not an infectious disease expert.
I have absolutely no idea what kind of impact this disease will cause for us as people, community, world.
What I am is a mind-body-energy expert.
I understand how the physiology of stress plays in the body and makes us more apt to get swept up into the fear mind and the sensation of panic.
I know that if I don't tap, then I will lose my shit and spin like a top.
I want to be clear. I want to be as rational as I can be.
I want to be a steward of calmness for my children.
I want to be in service to you.
Tapping is a useful tool right now because it reduces the cortisol levels in the body in less than 10 minutes. It stimulates acupuncture points to relax the body so that the mind can stop whirring with fear. It works to allow you to thing more clearly and act from a place of aligned mind-body.
Fear = Stress = the chemical reaction in the body.
Do not allow the judgements of others allow you to think that your fear is unjustified or irrational. Who is anyone to judge? Only you can decide what your best steps are at this time. And a relaxed body and clear mind can help you decide what works best.
Please use this tap to help you clear the mind and body of the stress that exists from "all that is going on at this time".
I am here for you.
With love and comfort,
I recently began a workshop series for women on Self-Care. I did this because it was evident in my coaching practice (and my own life) how difficult it is for us to place ourselves at the top of our own priorities list. For months, sessions have centered around the extreme exhaustion clients are feeling because of little self-care. Clients report feeling depleted and overwhelmed; struggling to keep up with life’s demands (work, home, family, community) and unable to clear space for themselves. It was astounding to me how common this theme was throughout my practice…and in my private life. This “in your face” lesson led me to commit to my own self-care at a greater level. It propels me to take the conversation (and ideally the support for your self-care) to broader audience as it is evident that we need tools and support to claim greater self-care.
Self-care is a work in progress for me. I am a single, widowed working parent of two boys. The list of things I need to “get done” is often as daunting as the never-ending laundry pile of dirty clothes. Honestly, there are days that there seems no end to the tasks that need to be completed at home, in life and for my business. I understand my client’s natural reaction to push self-care aside. It is often difficult to carve out space for my own needs, let alone care. As this conversation escalated in my practice, I knew to help others it would be important for me to be in integrity, and so I share with you that I reached out for my own guidance and coaching with professionals and loved ones who will help me be accountable for the changes I need to make in my behavior. I recognize, as I hope you do, that without help and support, it is too easy to continue to place ourselves last on our list and our self-care will not get prioritized.
For as long as I can remember, I have said to clients “you can’t give from a place that is empty”. I said this a lot when I operated my fitness studio. At the time, most of my clients were women. I saw up close how much women struggle to make time for themselves. Back then, it was easy to sell, if you will, the importance of self-care. The effects of not making time for exercise is evident. Weight gain and lack of physical health are the results of putting yourself last. Interestingly, even with the physical risk factors, client’s struggled making time for their fitness goals. Classes and training sessions would get missed, often time because someone else “needed them” and so their self-care slipped in face of another’s demands.
Today, the struggle of my client’s seems even greater. And the risks of not prioritizing the self is higher, too. People want success, they want to experience their potential, but can’t seem to slip out of the pattern of lack of self-care. Our habits run us, and here the result is inner conflict, stress, unhappiness, and more.
I see myself in each of my clients and I empathize with the struggle to get out of the patterns that don’t serve our well-being. We are constantly bombarded with the idea that we can “have it all”. All we need to do is to work at “work/life balance”. But, haven’t we lost sight of the fact that we’re the ones holding the variables that we’re balancing. We’re balancing life and work…but are we balancing ourselves in that? Our deepest needs, our creativity, our desires for rest and care?
It is this type of conditioning along with the idea that it is right and appropriate to please others before ourselves that set us up for patterns of behavior that drive us away from knowing what we need and how to make time for it. As such, we have lost ourselves in our care for others. We hold thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about how “selfish or bad” it might be to put ourselves first. We believe common thoughts that caring for others first makes you a better person/mother/friend/spouse. These influences keep us from realizing our true potential and success.
To truly be successful is to agree to be on a path of self-love and self-care. When we agree to create true and lasting success, we agree to work on the deepest and most profound parts of ourselves. When we work on creating meaningful success, we enter an agreement to listen to our deepest needs and desires. We can not do this without placing ourselves higher on our priority list.
How do we remedy this problem? The answer is that we must find ways to self-care at the core of our lives – including in our care for others. As nice as a spa-day is, it does not teach us how to navigate our lives with others and create new patterns of priority. It is wonderful to take a time-out from life to care for ourselves, but it doesn’t help us set better boundaries with others. Success happens when we repeatedly behave in the directions of our goals. Just as you can’t lose weight with one day of dieting, you can’t build the muscle of self-care with one day of pampering. We must adapt new sets of behaviors and apply them repeatedly in the direction of our self-care.
Easier said than done though, right?
Our patterns of behavior are habituated and stuck in our mind-body-energy systems. This is where the tool of EFT Tapping is so useful. Instead of forcing a whole new subset of behaviors we’re not yet aligned with, we instead look to identify what keeps us stuck in the pattern. We use EFT Tapping to remove the obstacles of our thinking-feeling-believing and behaving. The “obstacles” are stuck in our body by the physical stress they cause. Since EFT Tapping is scientifically proven to release stress from the physical body by reducing cortisol levels, we can release the obstacles by releasing the stress that is associated with it.
Let me provide an example: You want to have more time for yourself, but you don’t ask for it because it “makes you feel guilty”. This clearly impedes your ability to embrace self-care. In most models of coaching, the request would be to set better boundaries first and then cognitively re-frame the guilt. That is great, but if it worked everyone would have better self-care skills! The problem as I see it, experience it, and help others with it, is that the body is trapped in behaviors trying to avoid the stress that the guilt causes. As we Tap on the guilt, we both reduce the stress and the guilt from the system, thereby opening you up to new boundaries and behaviors. We must reduce the stress first, then augment the behavior second. This makes the behavior change much, much easier!
W behave from our bodies, not our minds. Our bodies follow the cue of relaxation or stress. Stress is “fight-or-flight-or-freeze”. In the above example, the guilt causes us to fight-flight-freeze every time we think about asking for time for ourselves. So, we avoid it, get angry about it, or stay stuck in the pattern of not asking for it. Others can’t resolve this for us. We must address the guilt as the obstacle and the stress associated with it. Only then can we have a clear mind and body that will help us to find natural and aligned solutions to our problems of self-care.
Doesn’t that make sense to you?
You can take your self-care to a new level. You can increase your chances of success and capacity for self-love and compassion. Other people cannot provide that for you. You must find that within. EFT Tapping has the capacity to open a whole new world of opportunity for you. You don’t need to suffer, stuck and unhappy in the pattern of last-on-the-list. Isn’t the time now to do something different?
I would love to hear from you and support you on your journey to better self-care.
Here’s to the journey of success through self-care. Let’s do this…together! xo
It’s that time of year again. The new year is approaching and it’s time to make New Year Resolutions! Isn’t it magnificent to feel the potential of this time of year? It seems so easy to envision the possibilities that lie ahead for us! For such a hopeful time, you’d think that it would last longer. Why is it that our exuberance is so short lived, especially when it comes to the work we need to do to accomplish our goals?
At the onset of a new year, it is common to set high-level resolutions as well as renew our health, wellness, and financial commitments. Especially after the holiday season of imbibing, it seems everyone wants to lose weight, exercise more, get out of debt, and live more in the present moment.
So what happens to those resolutions? Why do so many of us struggle when it comes to consistently acting in ways that support the actualization of our goals? Why is it so hard to achieve the body or bank account that we want? What stops us from reaching our fullest potential again and again? What’s the problem?
The answer is us. We are the cause of our own self-sabotage. We are our own worst enemy when it comes to living and acting in alignment with our resolutions. We want our intentions to come to fruition but we then conduct ourselves in ways that are not aligned with our goals or we don’t act at all. And in my experience helping people identify and work towards success, most people struggle with self-sabotage.
But why, you ask? Why do we move so quickly from promise and potential to subversion and inaction? Why is it as common to sabotage your goals as it is to set them?
Achieving any goal requires you to move out of your current level of comfort. This creates stress in the mind and body. Our thinking is conflicted, both wanting the goal and stressing about the goal. Sabotage happens when the physiology of stress gets in the way of acting from the desire. Our behavior “comes to the rescue” to alleviate the stress, setting you up to unconsciously act in a way that doesn’t serve your resolutions! In short, the body doesn’t act from the desire for the goal...the body behaves in response to the stress the goal creates!
To help shift the pattern it is beneficial to understand that when you set goals, you are asking a great deal of yourself. It will be necessary for you to think, feel and behave in ways that are out of your ordinary routine. You are requiring yourself to get out-of-comfort. No one likes to be out of comfort!! In addition, our goals require us to look towards permanent change and to trust in a process you can’t see. And this is stressful. And typically, the bigger the goal...the higher the stress.
Our bodies reaction to stress is automatic and conditioned at a subconscious level. This is important to understand. The root cause of your sabotage is the underlying stress associated around your goal setting. Instead of being excited by your action steps, the body moves into the fight-flight-freeze response caused by stress. Your behavior is then driven to create relief and get you back into your comfort zone. The mind-body-behavior creates a feedback loop that moves you back to comfort and away from your goals. This is the pattern of sabotage. In order to eliminate our habit of sabotage, we must address the conditioning within the mind and body that “tells us” that being out of comfort is stressful and scary. We need to REcondition the mind, body and behavior to experience your goals differently so that you have the opportunity to make conscious choices that serve your success.
This is all made possible by working with the tool of EFT Tapping. Success Coaching with EFT Tapping is a proven method of reducing stress around the creation of success. We are able to apply to the tool to the stresses that are conditioned around your goal setting. One amazing benefit of this tool is that it can be applied to any of the aspects of the mind-body-behavior feedback loop that surrounds your success. We can address sabotage and release its hold on you by applying the tool to the thoughts that cause stress, the physiology of the stress that exists in the body, or the maladaptive behaviors that are undermining your success. In short, we are able to release the stress around your goals and recondition the mind, body and behavior to associate the action steps with ease or excitement versus stress and discomfort.
When you work with me and in this method,I can help you understand the stressors that set you up for sabotage. Once we understand the sabotage patterns, I help you learn Tapping (which is clinically proven to reduce physical symptoms of stress) and understand how to apply it to release your patterns of sabotage. This is a deeply powerful process that has helped my clients achieve great success; from expanding businesses to writing books, to developing new branches of business and increasing personal revenue, to meeting the partner of their dreams to finding their soul’s purpose….and much, much more.
Every one of us is deserving of experiencing our personal greatness. In order to accomplish this, we must be able to work cooperatively with our goals. We need to consistently act in the direction of what we want to create. If you have had a pattern of sabotaging yourself in the past or are prone to delay your success, I welcome you to join me for a coaching course on understanding and eliminating self-sabotage.
We can not change anything that we don’t acknowledge or understand about ourselves. This course will help you to understand at a deep and personal level the current stresses you face around achievement. We will dive into the mind-body-behavior feedback loop so that you understand what patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving stand in your way. We will learn how EFT plays and important part of setting you free so that you can succeed at anything you desire. This is a small group workshop that will allow for privacy and individualized support; much like working with me one-on-one. Each participant will receive take-home materials and a customized audio to help them release self-sabotage from their goals!
I hope that you will join me! Please email me today. I will help reserve your space and send you options for pre-payment. firstname.lastname@example.org
The Power to Create Success - Ending the Pattern of Self-Sabotage
Sunday, January 20th from 12-3pm
6 Broadway, upper level, Beverly MA. 01915
$75/participant, 10 participants max
Cost Includes take-home materials and EFT Tapping Audio to support a home practice
Pre-registration and payment is necessary to reserve your space.
24 hours notice necessary for cancellation
Apologies, but no refunds can be given, but exchanges are welcome
If this is something you would like to share with friends, family or your co-workers, I am happy to facilitate for your group privately. Please email me for details.
The time is now for you to experience your greatness.
The time is now for you to feel successful.
The time is now for you to create success.
The time is now to allow yourself to be in alignment.
The time is now for joy and prosperity.
The struggle to be clear about what you really want is one of the most challenging aspects of creating success. We cannot create what we are not clear about and therefore, it is paramount to the manifestation of your dreams that you find tools that serve your ability to know what you really, really want?
What is it that you really, really want?
When you ask yourself this question, what feelings arise for you? Ease or unease? Confidence or doubt? Clarity or confusion?
If you struggle to answer the question with ease, confidence, and clarity, I assure you that you are not alone. Almost every person I’ve worked with has struggled to really identify their true desires. And, without getting clear, we risk detering our results and experiencing frustration and internalized defeat.
So, why is it that we have such a hard time articulating our deepest longings?
One main reason, I’ve discovered, is because of our conditioning. Each of us have a long history with other people influencing our decisions, feelings, and choices. We’ve been trained by parents, teachers, bosses, spouses, and our communities that to want might be selfish or self-centered. We’ve been taught to consider what others think about us before what we think of ourselves. We’ve grown accustomed to fear the judgements of others if we choose what we want. In this landscape, it is too challenging to hear the sound of your own voice and your own desire.
And while social and family norms are not an entirely bad thing, it shouldn’t be a lifelong thing. To be whole and fulfilled we need to understand our deeper needs, wants, and desires. We can’t build the skill of understanding what we really want when we’re looking through the eyes of our family, friends, partners, and co-workers. In essence, our collective conditioning isn’t teaching us what we need to know so that we can work towards our wants...for success, love, joy, and prosperity.
Regardless of the category of success (work, weight-health, relationships, money, purpose), in order to create what you want, you must get clear. And here is a short list of why:
When we become clear, we move into the dynamic flow of true, authentic success. Being clear allows you to move towards your wants with action, purpose, and commitment. And this feels good.
So, what do you do if you are experiencing challenges to understand what you really want?
First, know that you are not alone. We’ve all been conditioned to think about others needs before our own. We all have experienced doubt and fear about getting clear on what we want and setting boundaries with others to stay true to ourselves.
Second, learn about the power of EFT Tapping. EFT Tapping helps us release emotional stress around our goals. And in the case of identifying what we want, we can use EFT Tapping to liberate the stress from getting clear. Some examples of what we might Tap on might be:
EFT Tapping gets to the root of these concerns quickly. Tapping unblocks the stress of your concerns, freeing you to think of your wants with joy and excitement. Tapping elicits relaxation and thereby unleashes your natural inclination to move toward what you want! It “cleans up” your mind-body and emotions: releasing old, worn-out conditioning.
Allow yourself to be free to want what you really, really want. Get determined to be clear. Get support and please use EFT Tapping! The world is waiting for your magnificence to shine. Following your clear dreams is part of that!
Are you ready? What do you really, really want??
This August will mark the two year anniversary of my husband’s passing. It is amazing that two years has gone by so quickly. Reflecting on all that has unfolded, I feel especially grateful for my healing and my ability to create success despite my hardships. The blessings and growth I have received over the last two years have not happened in isolation. Many wonderful people have loved and supported me along the way and their presence provided much ease to my suffering. In addition to other’s support, there has been one gift that I have given myself and that is my daily practice of Tapping. Without a doubt, this practice has been a significant catalyst in my healing through grief.
If you’ve read my blogs, you know that I have been using EFT since 2011. I often say “Tapping found me” and since that day, I have experienced significant stress relief from EFT Tapping, there has rarely been a day I haven’t Tapped. EFT Tapping is the ultimate self-help tool and I encourage my clients to develop a personal practice because of the transformation possible with consistent use of the tool. The practice can help clear obstacles, release old emotional debris, clear limited beliefs, quite frankly, the list is endless. For me, my practice moves and shifts according to what is going on in my life. In the last two years, I have used it as a tool of self-soothing, along with aiding me in creating a successful private and corporate coaching practice. Tapping has helped me build patience with myself and helped navigate the tectonic changes I encountered through losing my partner and the father of my children. My EFT practice has empowered me to face life and death head-on; literally. It has expanded my emotional resilience and helped me find motivation and optimism in dark days.
So, where does Tapping fit in terms of helping with grief? First, my humble opinion is that grief is personal and can feel very complex. The loss of my husband was like peeling the proverbial onion. It had many layers with lots of intense feelings. In that ‘peeling’ there were feelings that easily rose to the surface to clear. And there were parts of my grief that couldn’t be touched at my beckoning. Those deep layers of grief would reveal themselves in their own time and way. I learned to respect that part of my grief and as such, allowed it to unfold in its own natural way. With Tapping, you typically take a proactive approach, identifying stresses, fears and concerns and whittling away at them. Those private, innermost aspects of grief would show when they were ready, and so I learned that forcing to clear them with Tapping was not ideal. Instead, they became my teachers and my guides to the deepest and most profound parts of me. Those special moments were my dark night of the soul, and they awakened me to meaning and purpose and a sacred view of life.
Where Tapping was useful was helping me offload the heaviness of my everyday stresses. Waking up to a new, unchartered life with new responsibilities overwhelmed me. After John passed, I woke up to a completely new identity with obligations that I could not have imagined or prepared for after such a lengthy illness. Overnight I became “single mother and widow”. I became the sole provider to my children, the protector of their future and I worried greatly about how they would live without their dad. These were burdens to my soul and spirit. In addition, I needed to resurrect my career after a year of being at home as John’s caretaker. To say that this time was intense would be an understatement. However, these burdens were exactly where I would put the tool to work. I listed things out that made me scared and overwhelmed. I proactively sought out the limited beliefs I had about being a single parent and what it meant to be a widow. I tapped on being lonely and I tapped on not feeling understood. Over time, my emotions felt less consuming. Life got easier as a result and I felt more positive about my future.
I realized the worries I carried about my children were projections of my fear. I learned to release myself of the pain that was causing me. Through Tapping, I created space for the present moment, allowing me to be more available and with my children.
There is a reason why Tapping is called Emotional Freedom Technique. It helps to free you from emotional pain. Tapping helped pull some of what was stuck out of my system so that I wasn’t bogged down and overloaded. As a result, I have been able to liberate myself from the heaviness in my body and in my mind. I am able to move forward with greater ease to create a life I am proud of. Tapping gives me hope and optimism for my future.
I know I am not alone. We are all grieving. We have all lost a loved one. But there are thousands of other ways we may feel grief or loss. We are constantly evolving. We change jobs, relationships dissolve, and family dynamics shift. We mourn our youth as we age. We move from homes and communities leaving beloved communities behind. No one is exempt from grief. Grief is universal.
But, so is healing.
Healing is also universal. Healing from grief is possible. With patience and a practice of self-love it can and will happen. Tapping facilitates all of the attributes of healing and it is a gift you can give yourself at any time.
Thank you for listening to my story. I am here, ready to support you.
With peace and love,
Or, more personally, what does your level of stress have to do with your achieving success?
I was recently asked about my history with teaching Tapping and I realized that I have spent over a thousand hours coaching people with the tool of EFT. I have met and instructed over one hundred people on their journey to create success and I am forever grateful for those who have shared their lives and experiences with me. Each client has taught me and gifted me the ability to recognize how much of what we experience is universal on our path to success. By listening and helping others with the roadblocks they experience, I grow and learn how to be a better practitioner. Each person’s process allows me to see the larger themes and patterns that affect people’s ability to reach their goals.
One correlation that is so clear is the connection between our level of stress and our ability to achieve our goals. Every client has shown me in one form or another that the more stress one has about a goal, the greater likelihood they will face challenges and adversity in the process. Typically, when a person realizes they are struggling and they are ready for help, they reach out. For them, goals have been elusive and they might have patterns of self-sabotage or inconsistency. They may yo-yo in and out of success or be full on resistant to the behaviors necessary to create their dreams. And, as a result they feel frustrated, doubtful, or downright defeated. Every person who has entered the coaching process has been able to identify in the coaching intake process that they feel stressed.
Stress is an experience of the mind and body. Our thoughts, both positive and negative, have the power to create a physical response throughout the body. This chain reaction is a chemical one that happens instantaneously. The body feels the level of stress and that influences our behavior. The behaviors that we use to seek relief are (often) not aligned with our goals. Instead, we procrastinate, we delay, and we get busy distracting ourselves. In order to accomplish our objectives, we know how important consistent and clear action is. However, if you’re stressed your body will react instinctively to try and remedy the stressful feelings, creating a pattern that doesn’t serve your wishes.
This makes sense, if you consider that the decision to reach for success is the choice to get out of your comfort zone. No one likes to get out of comfort! No wonder body and mind would have a hard time agreeing with what it takes to manifest your dreams! You are activating the fight-or-flight response in the body...what else is your body to do?
In essence, because of the association between your goals and “getting out of comfort” you are activating a conditioned response in your body. That automatic, physical response can activate stress, anxiety, and fear without your awareness; it can manifest in an array of distressing symptoms like upset stomach, shallow breathing, and rapid heart rate. As humans, we look to relieve ourselves of discomfort. In many ways, behaviors like procrastination, over eating, and distraction are actually “functional” at some level for when your body is looking for a remedy!
As your Success Coach, I help you understand that your lack of action and consistency are NOT about your capacity or your worth. Instead, you are stuck in a pattern of reacting to the stress your dreams are causing. And, what we need to do is to break down the stressors around the goal so that we can clear the stress from your system! EFT Tapping is clinically proven to lower cortisol levels (the stress hormone in the bloodstream), so as we use the protocol on your stressors, we help you relax into the activities that help you achieve excellence! As you welcome the actions, your confidence increases and so does your sense of self.
As you read this, I want you to consider the dreams you have for yourself. What success has consistently eluded you? Money? Time? Health? Weight loss? What about life purpose? Soulful relationships?
And now, ask yourself...how has the stress of being out of comfort held you back from being successful? How does it feel to know that there is a proven tool and coaching methodology that can help you relax into your goals?
Take the stress out of your success. You are worth it...and it may just be easier (and more fun!) than you think.
Here’s to relaxing out of comfort and manifesting success!
P.s. In every blog, I remind you that you are worth it. I reiterate this today and offer you, as I do all clients, a 20 minute consultation to discuss with me how you can help yourself through Success Coaching and EFT Tapping.
I am in awe of my 14 year old son and his ability to commit to success. Last weekend was spent at MIT for YMCA’s New England Swimming Championship. The championship event was the culmination of a very long and competitive swim season. John Stephen swam all day Saturday. He had preliminary swims in the morning and returned at night because he had qualified (top 20) in 2 individual events and 2 team relays. He and his team performed well. John Stephen was awarded a medal, coming in 8th for the 100 Backstroke. It was a fantastic end to the season. I feel proud of him. I also feel deeply inspired by his example of how lasting success is created.
Acquiring success is like standing at the podium receiving a medal. However, what allows us to acquire that success is the hours dedicated to and focused on repetitive action. Much like the time John Stephen dedicates in the pool, true success is created with consistent and continuous effort. And, for many of us, that is exactly what makes our desired success elusive. We struggle with success because we struggle with the obligation it requires of us. It is “difficult” for most people to be steadfast with the daily efforts that culminate in great success. We want a quick fix. We get bored and impatient when our efforts don’t pay off quickly, we fall prey to distraction, we want it to be easier. And so, we get resistant.
I assure you, there are definitely days that John Stephen complains about going to practice. He says “it’s boring” and he doesn’t want to go. There is nothing grand about the hours the team spends in the pool. The team goes back and forth for 2 hours practicing their strokes, their dives, their starts. They practice all the components of great racing...but they are not racing. This is a great metaphor for what it takes to create success in your life. Your focus needs to be on the component parts. For those trying to build a business, you are making calls and building relationships. For those who are writing books, you are writing words and editing your work. For those who are losing weight, you are modifying what you eat and exercising regularly. Those who actualize success are those who put their head “down in the pool” and focus on the tasks that lead to success.
To achieve great success is like agreeing to go to swim practice. It is about choosing the actions that move you toward your goal and repeating it again and again. And, like John Stephen shows us, we reach our goals when we choose to overcome the resistance that comes with boredom, frustration, or impatience.
A primary focus of my work is helping individuals (and groups) to overcome the resistance to consistent effort. Every day, I coach clients to become more adept and steady in action, despite their inclination to be doubtful or distracted. Together, we create clear action plans. We discuss the importance of accountability to their action. We use mindful choice making which increases “the buy in” necessary to stay steady and focused. And lastly, I teach EFT Tapping, which is a gift to anyone who would rather experience ease while they achieve versus struggle. EFT Tapping helps to relieve stress in the mind-body system, so it is a perfect resource for helping manifest success.
While every client that works with me has the choice to use or not use EFT Tapping, I can share that those who decide to, find the process of building success easier and much more fun. Because they become relaxed in the face of “what needs to be done”, they enjoy the process of action and welcome the consistency that is needed. EFT opens us to creative solutions we don’t have access to when we’re stressed or resistant. It gives us clarity, leaving room to hear our intuition. It allows us to let go of what others think, enabling us to be more authentic in our relationships (which is great for business development and our home lives!). In short, EFT Tapping along with Success Coaching makes it easier to “just keep swimming”.
Sending best wishes for consistency, action, and success,
Success Coach & EFT Specialist
Thank you, John Stephen...I am so proud of you and grateful for you. You are a true example of steadfast determination. Thank you for inspiring me and teaching me about authentic success every day. I am so happy I get to be your mom. I love you. Xo
In the spirit of this time of year and in service to your resolutions, I wanted to provide you with some intrinsic incentives to help you commit to your goals. Since we are bombarded with messages of how “hard” it is to be successful and “how much we have to give up” to reach our goals; I thought this a good time to provide you with a lighthearted view of all you have to gain as you stay true to your course towards success. Looking for what you have to gain in your journey to success is the meaning of a Success Mindset.
A Success Mindset also doesn’t take itself too seriously and looks to find joy in the process of goal attainment. In that vein, I’ve pulled together 26 fun and fabulous reasons to make a plan in 2018 and stick to it!
Appreciating Action - To achieve, you must act. When we stick to an action plan, we have the opportunity to see the fruits of our labor add up. This creates deep appreciation for who you are, the reason why your goals are coming to fruition. Appreciating action has a compound effect, initiating the understanding that your action matters and can be applied to any goal you set.
Big Belief - Never thought you could do it, right? But here you are...working towards it and getting it done! Open up to BIG belief in yourself and notice how empowered you feel, knowing that all you desire is on its way to you!
Consistently Committed - Fidelity to your steps to success enables you to know that you can and will ward off distractions. Warding off distractions releases you from self-doubt and replaces it with self-trust. Self-trust fosters faith that you can make your dreams come true because you care enough to stay consistent and committed.
Enhancing Esteem - Stay true to your plan and you become proud of yourself. Being proud of yourself enhances your self esteem. High self esteem positively impacts all aspects of your life.
Fabulous Freedom - What is more freeing than knowing that you are the master of your own destiny? By staying aligned with your course of action, you prove to yourself that you are free to design your own fate…
Greatness Generator - Every day that you act in accordance with your highest will, you are aligned with your own personal greatness.
Healthy Habits - Healthy habits are not just for food and exercise! Nothing articulates healthy habits more than acting from a place of self-discipline. Making conscious choices to stay on track is a skill to apply to any area of your life.
Impeccable Integrity - The ultimate litmus test of integrity is how well you keep your promises to yourself. You cultivate impeccable integrity when you commit to the work your success requires of you. Everyone loves someone who does what they say they will do; and so it will be easy to love yourself as you grow this quality for yourself.
Joyful Journey - Success is a journey, not a destination. Each action step is moving toward a greater version of ourselves, so the process of success is a journey where we learn more about ourselves and the possibility that life holds for us.
Keen Knowledge - Self-awareness is the biggest gift you can give yourself and all of your relationships. Working towards goals allows you to use challenge and change to discover more about yourself and your aptitudes.
Love of Learning - Staying true to your success allows you to learn about yourself and your world at a very deep level. This education unveils new thoughts and ideas, inspires creativity, and brings about a deep sense of satisfaction.
Meaningful Mistakes - A “growth mindset” is a success mindset as it encourages mistakes. One way to approach this idea is to ask yourself “what did I learn from this mistake?” or “how might I do it differently.” This mistake-meaning is an easy way to take the sting out of your mistakes, enabling you to redirect your action and get back to work.
Nourish and Nurture - Your dreams are yours to protect. Your dreams are yours to honor. When you do so, you nourish and nurture your mind, your body, and your soul.
Purposeful and Planned - Want to connect with your purpose in life? Live purposefully by planning your success driven activities. You see, purpose doesn’t show up on your doorstep “happenstance” - it shows up when you are aligned and ready. We become aligned and ready when we are in action.
Quiet Quest - A quiet mind hears the calling of the heart. The quest for success is aided by quiet times connecting with your heart and soul.
Range of Resilience - Every road you travel in life includes ease and difficulty. The more you travel in the direction of your dreams, the more resilient you become to the bumps in the road. You acknowledge and understand that ups and downs are part of the process. You increase your range of resilience.
Safe to Succeed - Sometimes it is foreign territory to imagine yourself fully successful. It may feel vulnerable to imagine yourself shining bright. However, triumph will come as we see that we are safe to succeed!
Tethered to Tenacity - You embody a desire to achieve, so you are willing to move forward despite tough terrain. This tenacious mentality anchors you to success. You have tasted success and you are ready to go for it.
Utterly Unique - That is what you are! Relish in the fact that no two people will come to the same result in the same way. Isn’t that awesome? That means your way IS the right way, as it is as utterly unique as you!
Valiant and Versatile - You are able to switch gears, shift plans, and try out new things. You take calculated risks and know that this takes bravery. You congratulate yourself on your ability to be courageous and flexible!
Warranty on Your Wants - Your capacity for action is your warranty for getting what you want! This confidence in your ability to manifest your dreams through action is your warranty that you will never have to wait for someone to give you permission to aspire.
X Marks the Spot - You are the cartographer, you are the explorer, and you create your own map. As you accustom yourself to steadfast action, you work your way each day to your destiny - X marks the spot!
Yearning for You - You have determined that your goals are worth pursuing and you focus your intent on achieving them. No longer does the opinion of others have the same hold on you. You yearn for your own approval and this becomes your focus in your pursuits.
Zeal and Zest - Zeal and zest are the wind beneath the wings of success. Allow these attributes to shine through you and life becomes joy.
Sitting down to write, I am overcome with a deep sense of vulnerability as I decide to share my personal story. I know this feeling in my body is not unlike the discomfort that clients feel entering the coaching process. I am witness to the trepidation on people’s faces and aware of the fear that arises when one agrees to change, expand, and create success. Every day I am humbled by the willingness my clients exhibit and I am grateful for the trust they place in my hands to guide them on their journey. I stand on their shoulders today, drawing strength from their bravery.
It has been 14 months since I lost my husband, John Driscoll, to brain cancer. John was an amazing man, husband, and father and he spent 40 months battling glioblastoma multiforme, a horrible diagnosis of which there is no cure. For the last 15 months of John’s life, the tumor and treatments weakened him physically and caused him to lose his ability to communicate over time. I opted to leave full-time work to be his primary caretaker, his confidant, and emotional support while he worked through the physical, emotional, and spiritual experience of accepting his death. It was the most daunting, deliberate, and life changing experience I have ever had.
My husband died in August 2016, at the age of 44. The experience has been challenging at best, heartbreaking at worst. Along with the shattering of hopes and dreams, I have been left to be single-parent, emotional stability for 3, and the lifeline to the legacy of the one my boys lost. And while the responsibility can easily take my breath away, my role at home is clear and my dedication to my children unwavering.
The rest of my life, however, is less clear. I have struggled at times to understand myself after such a difficult experience. At times, I have been confused, struggling to understand “my place” in this new world. Everything has been forever changed; not just because of the loss, but because of the experience I had with John. Bearing witness to his death was primal and deeply spiritual. John chose to do everything he could to heal. This was ultimately a process to unfetter himself from fear and live his last few years with rigorous honesty and authenticity. John’s choice to love himself into death and to forgive himself to be with God was an honor that I can not describe….so how can I help others understand its impact on me?
This interpersonal quandary has often left me feeling alone and isolated, separate and unusual.
Returning to my private practice was initially difficult. However, most of my coaching clients had known me for years and everyone was very sensitive. It helped me, returning to work. I felt my purpose again. My work comes naturally to me, it is instinctive and intuitive and I love helping others. Going back to work helped me find my footing.
As 2016 came to a close, I knew it was time to to expand to broader pastures. I was ready to take my work to a larger audience outside the comfort of my home community. I was excited to return to my former employer in Boston. It was a unique opportunity and it allowed me to blend my Success Coaching, the tool of EFT, and my knowledge of recruiting and sales. I had a full tool box to share and I was thrilled to be with a company that I resonated with and respected. With Hollister Staffing, I was able to expand in a way that was aligned with my strengths and capacities and could also offer me an opportunity to keep my private life relatively private.
The new year rang in a considerably expanded coaching business. As I worked with new clients on their visions of success, there were times that I felt I was holding back. I knew there were examples from my own life that could assist clientele in moving past obstacles. When properly used in the coaching process, personal stories can be a useful tool to help bridge understanding and facilitate action.
I was hesitating. I feared I would distract clients with my narrative. I believed my story “too much” or that “people would feel bad for me.” Looking back, I realize this was my own fear of being vulnerable. I was afraid of the empathy that could enter our conversation. What if I lost control, or more aptly, what if I lost my shit? I was running from potentially awkward moments. I was avoiding my truth. I was exiling the parts of me that caused me pain. As I looked within, I knew I was holding back for the same reasons my clients were.
In order to create true success, we must be willing to accept both our strengths and our weaknesses. It is extremely beneficial in life to allow ourselves to be both challenged and excited, reaching goals and working on shortcomings, being both satisfied and unfulfilled. The beauty of embracing a “both/and” philosophy with ourselves is that it allows us to release the rigidity and judgement of dichotomous thinking. Right-versus-wrong mindset stifles growth and creativity, while a more open-minded one leads to greater inner peace and innovation.
In an “aha moment,” I noticed I was stuck in my own inflexible thinking “in order to protect myself.” Because of my grief, I could not welcome the “both/and” potential that existed beyond my sorrow. I had placed my experience with John under quarantine, rigidly holding it away from my work and life. I was apprehensive to share the meaning and value that living through John’s illness provided me. I witnessed, first hand, what is important when you are dying. This knowledge is the reason for living. It is the reason why I am upright...motivated to serve each day. Becoming aware of this self-imposed limitation, I had to ask myself: Why am I so afraid to share? Aren’t these lessons and examples precisely what is needed in the coaching process?
I knew there was only one way out. It was to commit to being truthful and share my experience if it would be conducive to the learning of my clients.
Now, there are times when I share an anecdotal story. There are other times when I share the pain of the experience of swift, uncontrolled change that ravages your life. I tell clients that I am here to embody the truth for them that we each have the resources to get through “it.” Mostly, I share the importance of what they are doing and how commendable it is to work on yourself as there is nothing that compares to loving yourself and moving beyond your fears. What matters is to take chances and to risk authenticity because this is the one life you get..and time is not guaranteed.
It has been several months since that first “aha” moment. Since that time, I have had the blessing to talk about John in a way that has helped others grow. Opening up in this way has also assisted in my own healing. I have integrated a more full self into the work I do; talking about my life, love and loss. I am embracing all aspects of myself. And so...I am both a widow and a success coach, I am both suffering and succeeding, I am both sad and I am joyful. As a result of my ability to hold all parts of myself, I am helping others do the same. To me, this is true success.
Gretchen Driscoll has dedicated the last 20 years to helping hundreds of individuals and corporate clients clarify goals and achieve success.
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